Within Myself

I am capable of more than something, but I feel lazy and unimportant, of little consequence
      but that feeling is unhealthy and untrue
      but before I can achieve more than something I must first rid myself of the toxic waste of untrue feelings rooted in the evil that surrounds us

I must cleanse my own body, heart, mind, and soul before I can actively and effectively achieve more than something
That something, that more than something, is cleansing the world of hatred and indifference.
       But how can I possibly strive to save any portion of the world, if a part of me hates any portion of myself?
       How can I strive to make a difference, if indifference finds a complacent home within any portion of myself?

"The unexamined life is not worth living"

It begins and ends within me.

I cannot radiate hope and life and acceptance, if within I fear and wish for death and deny myself.
And even if I never properly strive or achieve that something more; so long as I spend my time properly striving to know myself and to loving and accepting myself, then have I not achieved at least some ounce of success in my lifetime?

Have I not already achieved success in my mere, unique existence? I have traveled light years to make my way here to earth.
I have already transformed from one intense and awe-inspiring being into the next, and even after my human being comes to an end, I will continue to transform into yet another being--one with this earth.

From atoms of hydrogen to helium, into carbon, into nitrogen, etc.
At this stage, human beings can only see what stage comes just after. We are not capable of seeing much further in either direction, but we can imagine the countless stages invisible to our human eyes and minds.

"Life will be a party for you, a grand festival, because life is the moment we're living right now" -Paulo Coelho (The Alchemist)

Be present. Live not in your future nor your past.
Things change constantly from elements around them, but they are inevitably the same as they have always been.

Feeling Being

I am brittle - I am strong with the ability to break but then heal even stronger

I am a feeling creature.
I feel so much more than the average human being, I feel deeply and truly
I feel much more than most others could take

I am a vessel containing limitless possibilities
      and endless opportunities for experience

Yes, the dark feelings are heavy and dampening
      but the light feelings are powerful and uplifting.
Neither set lasts forever or even for very long
      but both are real and genuine and a result of being open to both pain and joy
Intense and divine pain and joy
      Pain that seems to destroy and kill, and
      Joy that seems to renew and revitalize.
One cannot exist without the other.

Today, I am grateful for the being I am.
Today, I have acceptance for the blessings of both extremes.

I am a raging storm. I am powerful beyond belief.
Society has inculcated me to believe my feelings are irrational and crippling.
My feeling, my being is astounding and meant to be cherished and honored.

It is a privilege, a divine privilege, to feel as much and as often and as deep as I do.
It is a tool, a right, to be who I am.
I am not a mess.
I am not a mess.
I am not a mess.
I am magnificent. I am stardust. I am boundless. I am capable of feeling not only for myself, but for multitudes of beings.
I am capable of fighting for the weak.
I am capable of speaking for the silent.
I am capable of great things, of which my human being is terrified.
      My human being is terrified of my feeling being's potential to unleash upon itself
      and the world monumental change.
Maybe the power of words will act as my steadfast effectation, maybe the decision to live for myself and the betterment of all, however seemingly small the act/choices, will be more than anyone can hope for.

It feels like it is not enough, but something is indeed better than nothing.

Shadows

Shadows
      the sun reveals
      the clouds conceal

Looking at these magical shadows
      a mirage, a mind trick, do my eyes deceive me?
      Like a spell, they appear almost as sure as the concrete they lie upon
      Then they disappear after dancing with the wind, they disappear as though they 
      were never really there
      So sudden, not even in the blink of an eye

They're there and then they're not.

What do you live for?

"Being willing is not enough; we must do." -Leonardo da Vinci

My whole life I've been "wanted"
       Empty words filled my ears
       Fell on my heart without action.
Creating hope and disappointment
       Each one as strong as the other.

My grandmother lived out of respect,
Thus far I have lived out of love.
        Her advice to me is to live for myself.
               To seek happiness for myself first and not for others...
               and foremost and let the rest fall into place.
I'm trying to follow it, but that's hard to do when I want to give my happiness away to the detriment of myself and the betterment of others.

"Approach things with hunger and just enough fear. Plenty of confidence... Paralyzing fear does nothing, but the kind of fear [that] makes me more focused, more aware, more heightened." -Queen Latifah (Dana Owens)

It is never too late to be, to change, to do. If your desires change, so should your actions.

Do what you love, no matter how insignificant it may seem. If you find joy in it, do it.

"Intuition is really a sudden immersion of the soul into the universal current of life..." -Paulo Coelho (The Alchemist)

Don't Worry

I was always shouting at the top of my lungs trying to be heard
but it fell on deaf ears

Now I'm standing here mute and you hear me loud and clear

What a beautiful time, what a great match
Then *snap* it all came to a halt
         the truth came out, the good times were done
         the fun is over, the potential squandered.
But don't worry,
         There's nothing left to break.
         My hearts already in pieces.
Don't worry
        Message received, I got the hint
        I won't bother you anymore
        Sorry for the misunderstanding

This is how it goes
        You helped me get over him
        Now who's gonna help me get over you?

Past dug up, hit us both like trains
        I, shaking beside you as you held me close
        I, giving you clarity as tears fell down your face
Too serious, too soon and altogether not.
We meshed so well, hand in hand
        without a second thought
I wrapped my arms around you and we danced to the silence in our heads

It's all for the best. It always is.
You still want her and that's fine.
Just let me step out of the splash zone.
If you want someone cold, distant, decisive
       So cerebral you can't actually connect
       Go right ahead
I'm too sweet? I'm too kind? Too caring and nurturing? So scared I could actually help heal your broken soul
That's fine, I understand

You've already helped me in so many ways
       you'll never know how effective you were
You helped me get over him, and the him before
You helped me regain hope for kindness in a partner
You helped me communicate, but then became silent yourself... a trait you'll soon regain as it is innate within you

We fit so well, but timing is everything, and your emotional meteor hit at an inopportune time, putting distance between us was your choice and I don't know if I'll still be around when you come back from the journey you're on...

You don't believe in love and there's no wondering why, you invested your heart, time, and effort in someone who didn't care. For years, your programmer took control over your thoughts.