i tried..

I tried.. I tried.. I tried.. I understood.. I tolerated.. I bore the brunt of their unprocessed grief,
of their denial, of their conditioning.. I carried it for them as long as I could.. because
they weren’t ready — and maybe they’ll never be.. but that’s for them now, as it always was..
it was for them to hold, to carry, to grieve, to feel, to release.. it was always theirs but they
didn’t know how — I tried to show them.. they piled more on.. and left me with their.. their

I transformed their grief into joy, 

I transformed their hatred into motivation,

I transformed their pain into healing,

I transformed their hostility into imagination,

I transformed their sadness into creativity,

I did everything I could.. I tried.. until I couldn’t carry the weight any longer

I asked them to help pick up the slack

I told them I couldn’t shrink myself anymore

I tried

(Yes, you did.)

(you did everything you could)

(you did enough)

(you tried to show them how to transmute,

  you tried to show them how to be kind,

you tried to show them how to —

you were a child.. 

      they were supposed to take care of you

they were supposed to —

you did everything you could

you tried)

and that’s enough.

"free¿..dom..

Macro-society and micro-“family” force-fed you a tangled mesh of barbed-wire, 

      screaming, bleeding, crying, they continued to shove it down your throat

they tied your hands behind your back, your legs to the chairs’

they muted your screams with their hands, with dirty dish towels,

they ‘washed out your mouth’ with soap,

they punished you for repeating their words,

they blamed you for their in/actions,

they shamed you for bleeding when they cut you,

they mocked you when you cried,

they walked away and left you alone,

they —

And somehow.. somehow you were still able to ‘break free’

tattered, shattered, fractured, cut, bruised,

they broke “you”

and You were able to slip out of their bonds

you shifted and moved until the ties loosened,

you shrunk and slinked away,

They asked you to get back in the chair,

to tie yourself back up,

you said “no”

you ran,

they chased you,

they attacked you,

they dragged you back..

into their "home" lair

so you smiled and played along,

so they wouldn’t tie you up again

so they wouldn’t hurt you more than necessary..

                      [none of it was necessary]

you fawned to survive

you fawned to escape

they tried to guilt you to return,

but you escaped

You escaped.

they cannot hurt you anymore,

you are free.

they cannot hurt you anymore

only memories..

so much to untangle,

so much to release,

so much to grieve and heal, but

You are free now.